Speaking with a friend about an upcoming social event, she said she wasn’t going.  “I don’t have a date,” she said, “I’m not sure if I’m going.”

This has become the reality for a lot of middle-aged, single parents, struggling with their balance of having a career, raising their children and trying to maintain some form of social life.  Unfortunately, the “I don’t have a date” excuse gets used all too often and these women give up way too easily.  In many cases, these women fall into minor states of depression and feel that they have nothing to offer in a social environment.

With their lives centered around their families and their careers, it is often difficult for these women to put themselves in situations outside of what has become their comfort zone.  As with this friend, she had just come through a terribly messy divorce, with an ex-husband bent on making her life miserable.  In fact, even after the divorce was finalized, this man still attempted to have control.  This makes it easy for women in this situation to trust and put themselves in “risky” situations.  The “I don’t have a date” excuse is more of “I don’t have the desire or confidence to date”.

In speaking with her and exchanging some messages on FaceBook, it has become evident that this friend has lost confidence.  Seeing how devoted she was throughout her marriage, sacrificing her career to be the perfect wife and now finding herself the sole provider, she struggles with wanting to do the right thing for her family and once again sacrifices her social well-being.  Yet, standing on the outside and looking at the situation, it is obvious to see a woman who is intelligent, extremely devoted to her kids, driven to succeed and still with so much to offer in any relationship.

Encouraging her gets the typical response “What will a man see in me?” or “What do I have to offer?”, while deep in her eyes you see the desire within her.  Her comments about there being all couples going is another excuse.

For women such as this, they have to be ready to move beyond their distrust of relationships, and become engaged in the social world.  Friends and family have to constantly encourage them, show them they have something to offer and create circumstances where they feel comfortable around people, especially if there are available men.  The gentle push back into the social realm may be all that is required.  The key here is “gentle push”.

“I don’t have a date” is often a sign of deeper troubles and pushing too hard could have them totally withdraw.  These women will heal with time and their healing will start when they are ready.